User Scribes

TartanTart Moderator

At Bugger Mee's and Sodomiser's request, eleven of us met at Kasbah restaurant. And I thought we would be buggered because last time we had a Hash here they ran out of beer almost immediately. Then the silly sods took for ever to bring up some average food. So much for German efficiency! (Gerry owners.) Maybe getting their revenge on us Brits, Dutch and French.

As it turned out all seems to be forgiven but more of that later.

The skies looked ominous (shite) but we set off in a positive way along mini tars through the padis. Near the Bon Ton we were less positive, it started to rain. But just a trickle. Over the road and to the beach.

Living here the beach is pretty unknown to us and somewhere we don't visit unless there is a bar on its edge. The beach turned out to be a large area of yellow grainy stuff. To one side there was blue, wet, wobbly stuff. This is called the sea. 

Along the beach and passed the Pelangi and into Langkawi's rubbish recycling tip, Pantai Cenang. an area to be avoided at all cost unless visiting The Red Tomato. But we were soon headed off back to Kasbah.

Sensibly we had pre-ordered dinner and sensibly, they didn't run out of beer. Maybe on the last Hash, our Hare, Made in China was trying to put us on a diet? The food was very tasty, well my cheese burger was excellent. Even gourmet Johnny Walker didn't complain.

Well done Bugger Mee and Sodomiser.


Small Ball Cock

TartanTart Moderator

It would appear that the Langkawi ‘beer balancing bird’ has migrated to England. He, or a close relative has been spotted on a Herts Hash House Harriers shirt.

Tent Packer, our regular visiting Hasher is seen here wearing it. He is the GM and newly appointed Haberdasher of the Herts Hash. Last year he kindly sponsored our ‘three birds’ shirts and asked GM, Small Ball Cock for some help with the design for their new shirts. 

This is the result. Tent Packer may not be a good creative man but he is a brilliant marketing man, selling the shirts with matching cans of Guinness. He says they are selling like hot cakes or being in the U.K., selling like warm beer.


TartanTart Moderator

Twelve of us...Ocean's 12 (Small Ball Cock's 12) including The Dog's Bollocks gathered in the heart of Kuah on Merdeka Day and 'promptly' began our Hash Bash at 6:05pm. We were joined by a virgin harsher, Clair, a singer who just recently located to Langkawi from KL.

Runners took off like the wind along the village roads and picturesque route... but I'm only half speculating for I can't be too sure. Reason? Well, Black Label led the walkers at a pace not for the faint-hearted. We completed 5.8km in 1 hour and 10 minutes. When the brisk walkers arrived back, we saw the 3 Usain Bolts sitting there with at least half a dozen of empty beer cans. Hmm....

Off we went to the Thai Red light district for dinner - Nagoya. It was a happy ending.

On on

Bugger Mee

TartanTart Moderator

Hash Bash Trash #634

18:07, some 17 or so Bashers started moving along Shrimp ponds towards the Observatory, made it up the hill towards and along the golf course, and back to Nelayang parking, our start. 

As usual, for the walkers too long, for the runners too short, the spear heads downed a few beers before the walkers creeped in.

French Tarts lot honored us, lost Black Lable made it back, the rest escaped me.

"Free beers" still rings in my ears though. Those the GM promised before leaving for food - it turned out to be "fake news". 

"True news", however, was to prep for slow food, as the kitchen was running hot. 

The long wait stirred the hunger, the promised beers remained a dream - where were the snacks to calm the soul? 

Finally the food came, easily to be made out on the plates, but could it feed the hungry beasts? Gobbled up in a snap, people left shortly after, raiding their fridges at home ......or else.

It's good to be back...........oh, and yes,........the view was good!



TartanTart Moderator

Ay oop!

Start at Scarborough Fish and Chips

Run - 10 Hapless Hashers ambled through the Mangroves and Paddies to the ...

Finish at Scarborough Fish and Chips....

Except for Yuin who decided to take a different route and 

3 who joined us for the ...

Meal at Scarborough Fish and Chips.

All in all a good time was had - at...


Reet Gradely Lad! 

On On King Penguin

TartanTart Moderator

For those of you who have had restless nights worrying about Floppy Rod's cap that was retrieved from Chichester harbour, you can now sleep easy. Our hero, Susan Rutter has returned the cap to its negligent owner.

As you can see by the photos it was cause for celebration. The cap seem no worse for its ordeal, although maybe a bit floppier.I hope Rod was in a likewise condition otherwise, knowing him as we do!

TartanTart Aug 15 '18 · Tags: floppycaprescuehash
TartanTart Moderator

Following the amazing Thai cave rescue of twelve boys and their coach, Langkawi Beach Hash can report their own amazing rescue story.

A Hash cap was spotted in difficulties in Chichester Harbour, on the south coast of England. Lost and fighting to keep its peak above water. But one Susan Rutter to the rescue. She managed to haul the hat on to her boat.

As you can see by the photo below, it maybe old and worn but now fully recovered.

Susan, a true Hash Hero got in touch with me to work out who had abandoned the poor little chap.

Old Bailey and Floppy Rod came to mind as they live in that area and sail there. So putting one and two together, I worked out it must belong to one of them. Floppy admitted to borrowing it from OB and it falling overboard. Did he dive in to rescue it? No! A heinous crime without doubt.

He sent me an pathetic email owning up to this. He said he is doing a daily penance of drinking Tiger and a spot of self abuse afterwards. This will not save him (or her) from serious punishment for disrespecting official Hash attire when they return.

Hash Rags, French Tart will come up with a suitable way of dealing with this!!

Thanks again to Susan.





TartanTart Moderator

Very simple. Meet at the lighthouse at Telaga Harbour. What could be simpler? Me.

Who needs to read the Hash directions? Who can't find a lighthouse? Me.

In truth, I found it, but had a little difficulty getting there. My navigator, French Tart, was non-help as she also had not read the directions. But we made it a few minutes late. Luckily no punishments as we're Hash Bashing. French Tart escaped.

A couple of new people, three in fact. Christine, Thieving Bastard's sister-in law and two lovely, youngish Asian ladies, Selena and Yuin. This helped bring our average age down to two figures.

Twelve of us set off through the pot holes to the prom in front of the restaurants at the harbour. Unfortunately a couple of infirmed, MucArse and Karsenegenic together with their guide dog, Hash Cash, didn't get that far. They took a seat and no doubt a few Tigers after two hundred meters.

One wonders how far they will get on their grand European two month trip. If this is anything to go on they will probably spend the whole time at Arrivals, Rome airport.

On on the rest of us went, past the Dana hotel and on to the beach. Clean and pretty - not us, the beach. We ambled along eventually finding our way back to the elusive lighthouse, picking up the doggy duo and dog.

Our Hare, Tommy The Wank Engine, announced that dinner was to be at Shin Mi. And jolly good it was and even better as we didn't even have to consult the menu. Tommy had arranged our feast. The only decision we had to make was whether to have another Tiger and that, like me that evening, was a no brainer.

Well done Tommy.


Small Ball Cock

TartanTart Moderator

Scribe Report – Friday July 6 2018 - Run 631

An enthusiastic group of Hash Bashers met on the steps of Laguna, champing at the bit to follow Hamlet Humper and Hamlet Whore’s course.  The regulars were joined by part timers Bigapist and myself and two very welcome visitors, Yuin and Christian. 

We struck out across the main road, some more wary of the traffic, that included a number of “VIP” school students in busses, than others.  Over the funny bridge and through a scenic and winding course past many of Langkawi's bucolic scenes.

Hamlet Humper thought it was important that we had our daily fix of island culture so took us to The Field of Burnt Rice near the Matsirat square.  We were slow to realise that the small patch of grass was in fact the aforementioned heritage site, as to most of us it looked like a small patch of front lawn, albeit very well kept.

Through the Souvenir Emporia (closed so as not to start a retail stampede of Hashers) and around the back of the  Matsirat square, we meandered back via the well trodden shortcut to our start point.  Garmin, FitBit and smartphone distances were compared and an average of about 6.4kms agreed upon.  A lovely walk at a pace that allowed many riveting and very important conversations to continue throughout. 

A delicious dinner, dishes very well chosen by Hamlet Whore, was had at Thien Shen in Kuala Teriang.  The Tigers were cold and refreshing, the banter varied and, as always, the company warm and friendly.  Thanks everyone, see you next time.

Adi D’Turd

TartanTart Moderator

A group of 12 disciples gathered outside The Laguna (or perhaps it was the dirty dozen - who knows!)

The walk, organised by Larshole & Mettehari, was a trip down memory lane for some, and a whole new experience for others - 

The breakwater beside Langkawi Lagoon hotel was where our walk took us, passing a huge tree which had fallen down in the recent storm and was in the process of being chopped up.

It was a beautiful Langkawi evening for a stroll with the sparkling water all around us, locals fishing, and 2 lovely sandy beaches (were it not for the huge amount of rubbish which had come in on the tide!). Sadly our Re-psycho hasher, Adrian the Turd, was notably absent or I am sure he would have organised us into collecting it all - thank God he missed it!!!

Unfortunately, Hamlet Whore, who was our nominated Hash Flash for the evening, lost her sole at the beginning of the breakwater and had to turn back. Hamlet Humper valiantly took on the role in the Whore's absence! She did try to make a comeback, joining us again as we neared the end of the walk.

Along the way we did pay homage to the place where our fallen hasher - Lyn bin Defuzzed bit the dirt last year - yes, the little metal spike is still there.

On on to The Roof restaurant for a delicious if somewhat sparse and expensive repast, and thoroughly good crack!

Well done Larshole & Mettehari.

On on Tartan Tart

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