User Scribes

TartanTart Moderator

Around 20 hashers,  3 visitors  and 2 hashdogs  met close to the India Temple north of Kuah.

Finally after waiting for the last comers and unfortunately no Larshole and Mettehari,  we started the hash 20 min late.

The circle was formed and the first hasher who was punished was Sodomiser, due to the ugly – many years used - white nylon stockings, which  covers his knees – I think he has got them free from a hooker    ,he said, he was wearing them - to cover his legs for mosquitoes and leeches. We will later be aware of this………… A beer was placed in his stockings and he had to drink out of the can.

Beside the road on a lush greeny place, we met. 

Black Label and Johnny Walker had made a nice  jungle run of app 6 km. – and it was really in the jungle - all the way. 3 hashers were wearing flippers and good luck to them 

The trails were very well marked with toilet paper.

On & on we fought our way through the jungle – very difficult to run due to narrow paths, we were just waiting to see Tarzan & Jane – flying in the lianas - around the next corner!!!

Animals, as the big red ants, obviously heard about our arrival, they crawled up and in our shoes. Leeches found their ways too - into our socks, and when we finally made our way out and met again in the circle, our legs were bleeding from all the drunken animals, which were drunk due to all the blood they had sucked from us!! 

Our new hasher Rod was named and got the name Hand Job.

One returner, Jack Off, was back, and King Penguin got the turd again due to his lack of ''on on'' and of course blamed his hashdog  which helped him running through the wilderness.

We had dinner at a Chinese restaurant Yee Har in Kuah. 

On & on

Hanneballs Letcher

TartanTart Moderator

Run 640 – Fish n Tits Scribe (sort of)

Welcomed by hares – Prick van Dyke & Coming From Behind with GM Small Ball Cock.

There were no new shoes so nobody had a soggy run or walk.

The route was delightful, very pretty but a sting in the tail! There were a lot more walkers than runners.

It got quite dark early, so a lot of the circle ‘performances’ were cut short; however, there was 1 virgin, and Seaman Stains – a grotty yachtie - was punished for not having a hash shirt. There were 3 visitors from all over the globe, and an attempt to punish SBC for not fulfilling an order for a hash towel, but he wriggled out of that - again! – we will get him one of these days!!

The snitches turned out to be Bugger Mee & Sodomiser who appeared to have HUGE imaginations. Consequently a few innocents were punished. Double Turds were awarded to Sodomiser & King Penguin for not relating info to Tartan Tart & Johnnie Walker about the run direction.

There was no hash hero, but it should have been Karsanogenic for coming straight to the hash from the ferry after driving all the way up from KL.

The hash hymn was delightfully performed by The Dog’s Bollocks, assisted by King Penguin. By then it was pretty dark.

We had a lovely meal at Coco’s in spite of a fair old storm. Strangely enough the last time PVD & CFB were hares and booked Coco’s we had a storm too. Funny!!!!

Next hash hares are Johnnie Walker and Black Label.

On on 

Fisn n Tits

TartanTart Moderator

Bugger Mee and Sodomiser stepped in to provide a great hash venue and hash trail at short notice. A really nice run on the flat around the paddy fields north west of Ulu Melaka, 6km and 7.9 km for the runners. Walkers were a bit tired but happy to have hashed another day. Hash Flash recorded the 639th run for digital posterity.

King Penguin and Arse arrived twenty minutes late, directly from the airport – (what commitment!)- but still hashed home ahead of most of the field!

Two visitors / returners / new to hashers joined in: “Originally Irish Anthony”, and multilingual “Aussie Rod”, both partaking in the Hash tradition of ritual drinking / humilation with adequate enthusiasm.

As usual, the GM avoided punishment despite multiple well founded allegations (How does he do it?). And, Accusers beware, you rarely shall succeed and the tables will be turned --- a frustrated Tartan Tart faltered and addressed the GM as “You Old Codger” instead of the advisable GM / My Lord, and of course ended up in the naughty chair.

MucArse mucked things up by repeatedly failing to use no hash names in the circle and was repeatedly doused by Larshole, and finally was awarded the Hash Turd for her perseverance.

“Originally Irish Anthony” ended up in the naughty chair, nobly acquiescing to the higher authority (is there a choice), despite protesting that he had already changed his clothes after the run. All take note – It’s not all over till the “Thin Feller” sings.

Hash Snitch, Karsanogenic, declared that King Penguin had been caught cheating, secreting frogs into his shoes, to add extra leap. King Penguin declared the inserts to be toads (ridiculous – who in their right mind would put toads in ones’ shoes). The protestation was totally ignored and sentence was executed in the normal unjudicial fashion.

Larshole the Executioner once more accepted his appointment, and yet again tested the matrimonial limits by saving the biggest soaking for Mrs Larshole (Mettehari). 

Sodomiser and Bugger Mee richly deserved their award as Hash Heroes.

On – On to Run 640.

Scribe: Karsanogenic

TartanTart Moderator

When men grow old and their @@@@@ grow cold and the tips of their @@@@ turn blue

They dream of a life away from strife and they tell you a tale or two.

Now give me a drink and give me a chair (chilly?) and to you a tale I'll start

Of Small Ball Cock and fey MucArse and a harlot named Tartan Tart

Now Small Ball Cock and fey MucArse were working near Wang creek

And they'd had nothink by way of a drink for well nigh on a week

A tiger or two, a sapphire blue, a couple of Skol or so

So Small Ball Cock with his mighty rocks had found the drinking slow

They formed a circle in the sand and planned their drinks campaign 

But first they had to make a run down many a muddy lane

Then on return, (will they never learn?) they sunk a crate or two

Abused themselves and several elves, well you know what Hashers do

The turd it went to Karsano- G, the hero to fey MucArse,

And Tartan Tart was wet three times - it was turning to a farce.

Tent Packer too was toasted by brew and to KP an unfair redress

Then Choir practice and off to Cactus - this hash declared a success!

On On 


TartanTart Oct 18 '18 · Tags: 638, hash, scribe, kpmucarse
TartanTart Moderator

It's me again, your Scribe, Small Ball Cock. 'Why him again?' I hear you titter. Good question. Why me? Simple answer, it's because Tartan Tart said it was my punishment for not appointing a Scribe. I thought I was on my winter break! Bad enough having to remind Hash Flash to take a group photo.

Enough whinging, there will be plenty of that next Friday.

Arse and King Penguin instructed us to meet at the end of the Tanjung Rhu road. A road many of us hadn't been down for a long time. There met over a dozen Hashers and two Hash mutts. McArse and Larsole (not the Hash mutts), had returned from their European travels but their sickly partners were sick. Probably sick of spending so much time with them.

We set off down tracks close to the beach, along the beach (yellow grainy stuff with blue wet, wobbly stuff butting up to it), and then down the Tanjung Rhu road. Along this road, McArse and French Tart got a lift to the pit stop that had been organised by our Hares. Their excuse – mosquitoes and fatigue. See if they get away with that next real Hash! The pit was the Sands Bar at the Tanjung Rhu Hotel. It wasn't the pits, it was very nice. We all enjoyed a half price, or Scottish cocktail. Dutch cocktails are the free ones. For my half price margarita I got half a margarita. Never mind what there was of it was ok.

Eventually our smoking, swilling Hash Flash stumbled into action and a group shot was taken. Then ON ON along the beach back to the cars.

We regrouped in a tiny restaurant, or boui boui, as French Tart calls them, for dinner. A charming rustic place that I believe was attached to the Hares' house, a real cottage industry and maybe a sideline? Lots of tasty pasta with a sort of carbonara sauce. Maybe Arse had said NO BACON. There were other dishes which I cannot remember as I didn't get passed the pasta.

A very nice walk/run and a tasty dinner washed down with beer and wine. Well done Hares.

The next Hash will be back to a full Hash with the circle and our Danish Executioner dishing out punishment. Maybe Tartan Tart forget this because revenge is a dish best served cold and even better with cold iced water.


TartanTart Moderator

At Bugger Mee's and Sodomiser's request, eleven of us met at Kasbah restaurant. And I thought we would be buggered because last time we had a Hash here they ran out of beer almost immediately. Then the silly sods took for ever to bring up some average food. So much for German efficiency! (Gerry owners.) Maybe getting their revenge on us Brits, Dutch and French.

As it turned out all seems to be forgiven but more of that later.

The skies looked ominous (shite) but we set off in a positive way along mini tars through the padis. Near the Bon Ton we were less positive, it started to rain. But just a trickle. Over the road and to the beach.

Living here the beach is pretty unknown to us and somewhere we don't visit unless there is a bar on its edge. The beach turned out to be a large area of yellow grainy stuff. To one side there was blue, wet, wobbly stuff. This is called the sea. 

Along the beach and passed the Pelangi and into Langkawi's rubbish recycling tip, Pantai Cenang. an area to be avoided at all cost unless visiting The Red Tomato. But we were soon headed off back to Kasbah.

Sensibly we had pre-ordered dinner and sensibly, they didn't run out of beer. Maybe on the last Hash, our Hare, Made in China was trying to put us on a diet? The food was very tasty, well my cheese burger was excellent. Even gourmet Johnny Walker didn't complain.

Well done Bugger Mee and Sodomiser.


Small Ball Cock

TartanTart Moderator

It would appear that the Langkawi ‘beer balancing bird’ has migrated to England. He, or a close relative has been spotted on a Herts Hash House Harriers shirt.

Tent Packer, our regular visiting Hasher is seen here wearing it. He is the GM and newly appointed Haberdasher of the Herts Hash. Last year he kindly sponsored our ‘three birds’ shirts and asked GM, Small Ball Cock for some help with the design for their new shirts. 

This is the result. Tent Packer may not be a good creative man but he is a brilliant marketing man, selling the shirts with matching cans of Guinness. He says they are selling like hot cakes or being in the U.K., selling like warm beer.


TartanTart Moderator

Twelve of us...Ocean's 12 (Small Ball Cock's 12) including The Dog's Bollocks gathered in the heart of Kuah on Merdeka Day and 'promptly' began our Hash Bash at 6:05pm. We were joined by a virgin harsher, Clair, a singer who just recently located to Langkawi from KL.

Runners took off like the wind along the village roads and picturesque route... but I'm only half speculating for I can't be too sure. Reason? Well, Black Label led the walkers at a pace not for the faint-hearted. We completed 5.8km in 1 hour and 10 minutes. When the brisk walkers arrived back, we saw the 3 Usain Bolts sitting there with at least half a dozen of empty beer cans. Hmm....

Off we went to the Thai Red light district for dinner - Nagoya. It was a happy ending.

On on

Bugger Mee

TartanTart Moderator

Hash Bash Trash #634

18:07, some 17 or so Bashers started moving along Shrimp ponds towards the Observatory, made it up the hill towards and along the golf course, and back to Nelayang parking, our start. 

As usual, for the walkers too long, for the runners too short, the spear heads downed a few beers before the walkers creeped in.

French Tarts lot honored us, lost Black Lable made it back, the rest escaped me.

"Free beers" still rings in my ears though. Those the GM promised before leaving for food - it turned out to be "fake news". 

"True news", however, was to prep for slow food, as the kitchen was running hot. 

The long wait stirred the hunger, the promised beers remained a dream - where were the snacks to calm the soul? 

Finally the food came, easily to be made out on the plates, but could it feed the hungry beasts? Gobbled up in a snap, people left shortly after, raiding their fridges at home ......or else.

It's good to be back...........oh, and yes,........the view was good!



TartanTart Moderator

Ay oop!

Start at Scarborough Fish and Chips

Run - 10 Hapless Hashers ambled through the Mangroves and Paddies to the ...

Finish at Scarborough Fish and Chips....

Except for Yuin who decided to take a different route and 

3 who joined us for the ...

Meal at Scarborough Fish and Chips.

All in all a good time was had - at...


Reet Gradely Lad! 

On On King Penguin

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