TartanTart's Scribe

Hash No 653 - Down by the river   compliments of “The Clits”

Location: Somewhere near the “pink Bridge” and park called Taman Sungai in the vicinity of Kuala Teriang.

It was a balmy evening following an afternoon of torrential rain – not good for the hares laying flour spots! We gathered shortly after 5pm in what looked like a car park with an interesting array of vintage cars plus orange cat to one side, and a meeting area peppered with squishy cow pats. The provider of which was standing nearby on a patch of grass quietly manufacturing more.

The turn out was good, visitors and virgins from afar, in fact plenty for the GM to get stuck into. In the opening circle an unsuspecting visitor was found to have new pink shoes from which she drank the first libation. “The Clits”, newbie hares were given some back up by Hand Job (route) and Rock Cock (transportation of gear). After a rambling dissertation by Clit Eastwood with the Bearded Clit looking on anxiously, we were off.

All went well along the river – the runners were off, and soon streaking ahead but not without some serious competition from visiting hashers. Those of us bringing up the rear were in fact able to absorb the surroundings, paddy fields and a couple of small groups of cows with calves which had the potential to provide a hash hazard. Fortunately, they left us to our sweaty pursuits.

The runners on this pastoral route logged up 6 kilometres, walkers 5 all very flat but not without frequent mud traps and lapses in flour spots. Clit Eastwood later assured us this was because the route was straight and therefore needed no marking until the turn. Bearded Clit was clearly mortified by this and did not take the excuse of conserving flour lightly.

After a kilometre or two of river frontage - a quiet kampong with most of the inhabitants probably at the busy Matsirat Ramadan market, which some of us, #Tweety Twat and Black Label went through by default appropriately laying the blame on the hares quest for flour conservation.

After a good hour on the road, the last of the hashers ambled back to base and the much-awaited circle. The visitors were all on form and clearly looking to wet their whistles. The Tartan Tart did a sterling job in dispensing ice water down the back of shirts, while Bearded Clit served up tankards of beer with relish.

Two virgins stepped eagerly forward, before the GM (Small Ball Cock) came to the realisation that there was no scribe. #Tweety Twat said “Oh” (apparently Chinese for yes) and the deed was done. Newbie #Tweety Twat was getting advice from MucArse when the GM brought her to book for nattering.  TT was sent to the chilly chair which she sunk into happily with MucArse mumbling some poor excuse about explaining the ropes.

Censure in the circle continued. The visitors from Petaling proved a jolly bunch and well up for any punishment on offer. Jaime came under the whip for running too fast and emasculating the male runners by pipping Rock Cock at the post. Rock Cock didn’t have a leg to stand on and was called to boot for not keeping his end up on behalf of the male species. In short there were no winners!

Two body pumped visitors were hauled over the coals for smoking within the inner sanctum with one incurring further punishment for indecent exposure. They clearly didn’t mind.

Further offences by visitors included cadging a bike ride back to base, and watering a plant en-route; indeed a heinous offence worthy of punishment .

But then it was the turn of Small Ball Cock to come under fire – no Hash rags! The ceremonial down, down was served. Down, it went but not fast enough to avoid the jug of ice delivered by Tartan Tart now in fine form. Somehow Johnny Walker managed to organise an offence and was soon happily enjoying the punishment – sadist !

In fact the more violations there were, the jollier it became, until time was called and the throng adjourned to the Shark Cage for a delicious dinner with French Fries to die for.

Thanks to the co-ordinators Bearded Clit and Clit Eastwood.


On On 


#Tweety Twat.