TartanTart's Scribe

IRISH HASH RUN 652


GM – Johnny Walker

Hare – Small Ball Cock assisted by Hand Job.

Everyone arrived to an awning billowing in the breeze and a few camping chairs scattered under the trees. Alas the awning that took close on an hour to erect offered little if no shade and was not in the right area as the circle was formed on the opposite side of the road.  Hand Job decided it would be the last time he spent all his energy on putting up useless awnings unless he upgraded to a pop up one.  A group photo was taken by Bugger Mee with all the complying Hashers with their green outfits placed in the front. The shoes were inspected and no one was guilty of having new shoes but it was noted that someone’s still looked liked they had a very good warranty.

Small Ball Cock gave a very confusing description of the Hash route, which he tried to justify by saying he was trying to stick to the Irish theme.  After asking for clarity everyone just ended up more confused and decided to just set off and hope for the best. Well, after no more than 200m everyone had gone off in the wrong direction and Small Ball Cock was frantically calling everyone back. The walkers returned but unfortunately after bellowing after the runners (causing all the locals to rush out to see what all the commotion was about) they were long gone off along the wrong track. This ended up with them doing an extra loop before eventually joining the correct path. The Hare blamed the locals for trashing his arrow or the chickens must have eaten it.  The route was pleasant and thankfully a bit shorter than usual as the heat was sweltering up from the ground. The markings improved so much so that after the night’s rain and the next day’s sun I’m sure there are a few arrowed shaped loaves of bread to be found on the Island.

The circle was formed on top of a little hill so everyone could gaze at the sunset instead of being focused on the GM hoping not to get called for any future Hash duties. Tartan Tart was quick to offer to take the job of Executioner so that she could cool off by dousing herself with a big jug of ice water. A Virgin Hasher, Tarryn, born in South Africa and now a new Aussie, was welcomed to our Hash. The Returners were all very confused as to where they had been and stood mumbling and scratching their heads in true Irish Form before getting doused by the Executioner.

The green clothing which was a requirement for the Irish Hash was inspected and a few explanations were needed from some of the more imaginative Hashers.  Hand Job was awarded the title of the sexiest Hasher as he stood half naked with a green O’Heineken Box on his head as his green clothing contribution.  Our GM looked quite cute himself with a necklace of green balls as well as Sodomiser with his little green panties. MucArse had a lot of explaining to do regarding her green waders worn with Flip-flops. The GM was quite disappointed that he couldn’t find anyone with a green bra to inspect so turned his attention to naming and Christening two new Hashers; Geologist Piet and his wife Tweet. After some good dirty nominations, once again with Chilly Willy topping the list with his vulgar suggestions, #Tweety Twat and Rock Cock were the decided new names.

As it was now dark there was only time for one or two Irish jokes so those who had forgotten to bring one got off without any water dousing from the very enthusiastic Executioner. King Penguin closed the evening with a jolly Irish song and everyone headed off to Coco’s for some Irish stew or Fish. 

BC


First a quick comment on Run 651 - Hares Tartan Tart and McArse


Return of the Scots - CLAN McTartArse. 

In short - brilliantly organised, executed and marked- a job as Prime Minister of Uk to sort Brexit - awaits.


Now on to a brief history of our favourite Friday time-waster......


History of the Hash House Harriers


Hashing originated in December 1938 in Selayang Quarry, Selangor, then in the federated Malay States (now Malaysia), when a group of British colonial officers and expatriates began meeting on Monday evenings to run, in a fashion patterned after the traditional British paper chase or "hare and hounds", to rid themselves of the excesses of the previous weekend. The original members included Albert Stephen (A.S.) Ignatius "G" Gispert, Cecil Lee, Frederick "Horse" Thomson, Ronald "Torch" Bennett, Eric Galvin, H.M. Doig, and John Woodrow. A. S. Gispert suggested the name "Hash House Harriers" after the Selangor Club Annex, where several of the original hashers lived and dined, known as the "Hash House".

Hashing died out during World War II shortly after the Invasion of Malaya, but was restarted in 1946 after the war by several of the original group, minus A. S. Gispert, who was killed on 11 February 1942 in the Japanese invasion of Singapore, an event commemorated by many chapters by an annual Gispert Memorial Run.

After World War II, in an attempt to reorganize in the city of Kuala Lumpur, they were informed by the Registrar of Societies that as a "group," they would require a constitution. Apart from the excitement of chasing the hare and finding the trail, harriers reaching the end of the trail would partake of beer, ginger beer and cigarettes.

The objectives of the Hash House Harriers as recorded on the club registration card dated 1950:

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To promote physical fitness among our members

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To get rid of weekend hangovers

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To acquire a good thirst and to satisfy it in beer

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To persuade the older members that they are not as old as they feel

In 1962, Ian Cumming founded the second chapter in Singapore. The idea spread through the Far East and the South Pacific, Europe, and North America, expanding rapidly during the mid-1970s. Cumming was widely credited with bringing hashing to the United States; he lived outside of New York City, where he continued to hash until his death on August 21, 2015.

At present, there are almost two thousand chapters in all parts of the world, with members distributing newsletters, directories, and magazines and organizing regional and world hashing events. As of 2003, there are even two organized chapters operating in Antarctica.

SocialisingEdit

The end of a trail is an opportunity to socialise, have a drink and observe any traditions of the individual chapter.  When the hash officially ends, many members may continue socialising at an "on-after", "on-down", "on-on-on", "apres", or "hash bash", an event held at a nearby house, pub, or restaurant.

CirclesEdit

Most hash events end with a group gathering known as the "circle", or less commonly as "religion". Led by chapter leadership, the circle provides a time to socialise, sing drinking songs recognize individuals, formally name members, or inform the group of pertinent news or upcoming events. Circles may be led by the chapter grandmaster, the group's religious advisor, or by a committee. Impromptu input is welcome and solicited.

Down-downsEdit

A "down-down" is a means of punishing, rewarding, or merely recognizing an individual for any action or behaviour according to the customs or whims of the group. Generally, the individual in question is asked to consume without pause the contents of his or her drinking vessel or risk pouring the remaining contents on his or her head. Individuals may be recognized for outstanding service, or for their status as a visitor or newcomer. Down-downs also serve as punishment for misdemeanours real, imagined, or blatantly made up. Such transgressions may include: failing to stop at the beer check, pointing with a finger, or the use of real names. Commonly, hashers who wear new shoes to an event can be required to drink from that shoe.

Many chapters include an ice seat or throne as part of the down-down ceremony. Those who are to consume a down-down sit on a large block of ice while they await the completion of the down-down song. If the offence that resulted in the down-down is particularly egregious, the hasher may be subjected to a long song with many verses.

Hash namesEdit

In most chapters, the use of real names during an event is discouraged. Members are typically given a "hash name," usually in deference to a particularly notorious escapade, a personality trait, or their physical appearance. In some chapters the name must be earned – that is, hashers are not named until they've done something outstanding, unusual, or stupid enough to warrant a name. In other chapters the process is more mechanical and hashers are named after completing a certain number of events (5–10 being the most common).

Some chapters focus on "family-friendly" names (for example: Lost My Way); others focus on names filled with innuendo (for example: Purple Vein); and some go out of their way to make the name as bawdy, offensive, or politically incorrect as possible.

Those hashers who have not been named are generally referred to as "Just (Name)", "No Name (Name)" (e.g., "No Name John") or simply Virgin.

Hashers are not permitted to give themselves nicknames due to the obvious conflict of interest. Hashers who do so are often renamed by the chapter at the earliest opportunity and with a more offensive name. Similarly, hashers who do get named and don't like their name may end up being renamed by their chapter, the members of whom may strive to give the complaining hasher an even more offensive or inappropriate name.

New hashers verbally in pursuit of an obviously offensive or inappropriate name may intentionally be given a weaker name, such as "Freckles".


King Penguin


Hash Trash run no. 650.       29 March 2019 


Hares King Penguin and Arse


Note the date…..29 March 2019, and for the benefit of anyone who may have either been living in another dimension, or perhaps in an alcoholic haze for the previous two years it was B for Brexit Day.

So, in commemoration of the positiveness, assertiveness and Churchill like leadership skills demonstrated by the UK Parliament the GM attempted to replicate these fine qualities into the hash proceedings. Big mistake! Chaos followed; we wonder who could have set such an example?


OK, the venue. Jalan Te fuk Yu, three km out of Padang Lalang. Easy to find, easy to park and altogether a lovely spot with a view of the ocean.

Back to the “B” word; no getting away from it even here 11000km S. E. of little England. The GM, fired up to previously unforeseen levels of angst and wearing his “P” hat. (“P” for politics or what is that other word?) called us not into a circle but into a bunch with Brit brexiteers to the left and non Brit leavers (and British traitors) to the right. The one Brit traitor hails from north of Hadrians Wall so she did not surprise us in wanting to see Mother Theresa’s head on a spike. All is forgiven Tartan Tart, you fell right into the trap of the later wet T shirt and “What colour are her knickers” antics. Despite the GM’s exhortations to engage in civil war there was less enthusiasm for fighting than for getting stuck into the beer drinking later.

There being no new shoes or virgins the Hares gave their very precise pre-brief. So precise that the less than average attention span of the 20 hashers prompted many requests for it to be repeated. Fortunately the two dogs present got it right the first time and were raring to go.


The run took us first onto the beach, and for the fit and the brave a dash through calf deep water in their footware. For the unwashed and the wimps some scrambling over rocks kept their feet dry and dirty. After 1km on the beach the trail diverted inland where a well marked division for runners and walkers separated the old and fit from the older and lazy. The trail passed by neat clean kampungs, rubber smallholdings and jungle. Both groups converged again just before the final run in. Clearly set by professionals.


Back at the site the GM in cruel and inhumane punishment mode put the chilly chairs and the dreaded arm cuffs to immediate use. None escaped execution and being force fed multiple down downs. One militant feminist, Old Bailey, was repeatedly punished for accusing GM of discriminatory behaviour and Harvey Weinstein treatment of vulnerable women. It was only later when it was realised that this was a deliberate guise for her to get more free beer that she was excused further punishment.

A heinous crime was committed by the pooch Hash Cash in shamelessly pooing on the path. Not just a single discreet dollop but a healthy batch of rich juicy ones. Oh that yours truly could squeeze them out so effortlessly. Karsanogenic as Hash Cash’s feeder, friend, mentor and father figure was made to drink a down down and execute himself simultaneously. No problem for this versatile old hand. If this heinous crime should ever be repeated the hash imitation turd necklace will be substituted for a real one!

And so the talented performance continued with the grand finale being the singing of mutinous Brexit songs under the well conducted prompting of our choirmaster KP.


The meal of very British Fish-n-Chips at Scarborough’s was thoroughly enjoyed by all, even by our European friends.


Another excellent occasion….well done Hares.


Floppy