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TartanTart Moderator

Hare – King Penguin assisted by Hash Dog The Dog's Bollocks.

After boasting how lucky we have always been with the dry weather on the Hashes we obviously tempted fate. We arrived at the venue in Tanjung Rhu and gathered in a small group standing in the drizzling rain.  Where was Hand Job with his awning? Typical when we actually need an awning he is not around to provide it. Those of us who stood under our umbrellas were ridiculed for being ‘’poofters”.  Seeing there was to be no shoe inspection Small Ball Cock was brave enough to arrive in his new luminous platform sole trainers.  A group photo was taken by Bugger Mee before we all set off hoping not to come back drenched to the core. 

The Dog's Bollocks led the way and immediately started chasing the cows just to get them irritated enough that we all had to gingerly walk past and hope they wouldn’t chase us in return for TDB’s unruly behaviour. 

As we entered the paddy fields the runners left on their own route and the walkers followed what we could see of the flooded path. Jumping between puddles and avoiding stepping on the masses of frogs that were scampering out of our way, was the procedure for most of the route until we came to the mangroves. Then the heavens opened and the umbrella holders had a smug grin as they looked at the sodden bunch desperately trying to reach home.

The last of the route was along the beach and at least the saturated sand was nice and hard to walk on.  Being a fair way ahead of the walking group I approached a gushing river. Remembering that I thought I heard the Hare stating that it was low tide so the river would be in our favour I entered the rapids cursing that no allowance had been taken in for the pouring rain and the force of the flow. Dreading that I would not make it through to the other side I finally reached dry ground only to hear Hashers calling to me come back. What??? The home site was up the river on the side I had just come from. Now I had to risk my life and cross the raging torrent of water again. Luckily I made it back with Bugger Me helping me to get up the bank.

A drenched lot sodden from head to toe had all made it home. Well all of us except Small Ball Cock who managed to keep his feet dry in his platform trainers. Most Hashers had wisely brought a change of clothing but poor French Tart had to endure dinner in her dripping attire.

 The meal was right next door at The Nest and we all enjoyed a feast of salad, toast with salsa, soup and pasta. 

On On

BC


TartanTart Moderator

Hash scribe rapport run 659. Date 02.08.2019


The Hares were Philip (Clit Eastwood) and Janet (Bearded Clit).

Before the run, The GM (King Penguin) announced that everyone would be punished unless they came up with a good reason they should not - the other Hashers would then vote this on.

The hares explained the hash route and off we went....

Long time after the last walker did arrived and we were going to form a circle we realized that Small Ball Cock and French Tart were missing. A rescue team was setup and just when they were ready to leave, we saw Small Ball Cock and French Tart in the horizon. Small Ball Cock carrying French Tart on his back. Skunky McCavern immediately ran to help SBC, but help was not accepted and SBC did carry FT to the circle. After a close investigation, we did not find any sweat on SBC. 

The circle was formed and a Scribe chosen...

The hares were given a down…down

The GM executed himself so that he could be the first executioner and then in voted Arse to be the first one to persuade her fellow Hashers why she should not be executed...She was voted down and executed herself - saving KP from executing his wife...

All the Hashers in turn provided excuses and were voted on. Black Label, French Tart, Tartan Tart (only women!) were saved!

SBC came up with the very good reason for not to be punish, by carrying FT, but was voted down and given a down…down for his setup.

Neither Tommy the Wank Engine nor Skunky McCavern offered excuses...

GM gave himself a down…down for forgetting to bring the list...but from memory….

 

Dates in history...

On this day in 219 - Hannibal won the Battle of Cannae

In 1776 on this day the US Declaration of Independence was signed...Skunky was asked to sing the anthem…

In 1937, the US criminalized Marijuana 

In 1939 Einstein persuaded Roosevelt to initiate the Manhattan Project and it has been downhill ever since.


Returners were 'down… down'

Hash turd given to Johnny Walker for being German and responsible for Einstein and the atom bomb and for suggesting that his wife should get it because she was the same colour!


Hash hymn


Supper at Gallo Nero. Delicious Italian pasta meal. Compliments to the chef Lorenzo 


Next Hash - Hare KP


On On TTWE


TartanTart Moderator

First a quick comment on Run 651 - Hares Tartan Tart and McArse


Return of the Scots - CLAN McTartArse. 

In short - brilliantly organised, executed and marked- a job as Prime Minister of Uk to sort Brexit - awaits.


Now on to a brief history of our favourite Friday time-waster......


History of the Hash House Harriers


Hashing originated in December 1938 in Selayang Quarry, Selangor, then in the federated Malay States (now Malaysia), when a group of British colonial officers and expatriates began meeting on Monday evenings to run, in a fashion patterned after the traditional British paper chase or "hare and hounds", to rid themselves of the excesses of the previous weekend. The original members included Albert Stephen (A.S.) Ignatius "G" Gispert, Cecil Lee, Frederick "Horse" Thomson, Ronald "Torch" Bennett, Eric Galvin, H.M. Doig, and John Woodrow. A. S. Gispert suggested the name "Hash House Harriers" after the Selangor Club Annex, where several of the original hashers lived and dined, known as the "Hash House".

Hashing died out during World War II shortly after the Invasion of Malaya, but was restarted in 1946 after the war by several of the original group, minus A. S. Gispert, who was killed on 11 February 1942 in the Japanese invasion of Singapore, an event commemorated by many chapters by an annual Gispert Memorial Run.

After World War II, in an attempt to reorganize in the city of Kuala Lumpur, they were informed by the Registrar of Societies that as a "group," they would require a constitution. Apart from the excitement of chasing the hare and finding the trail, harriers reaching the end of the trail would partake of beer, ginger beer and cigarettes.

The objectives of the Hash House Harriers as recorded on the club registration card dated 1950:

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To promote physical fitness among our members

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To get rid of weekend hangovers

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To acquire a good thirst and to satisfy it in beer

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To persuade the older members that they are not as old as they feel

In 1962, Ian Cumming founded the second chapter in Singapore. The idea spread through the Far East and the South Pacific, Europe, and North America, expanding rapidly during the mid-1970s. Cumming was widely credited with bringing hashing to the United States; he lived outside of New York City, where he continued to hash until his death on August 21, 2015.

At present, there are almost two thousand chapters in all parts of the world, with members distributing newsletters, directories, and magazines and organizing regional and world hashing events. As of 2003, there are even two organized chapters operating in Antarctica.

SocialisingEdit

The end of a trail is an opportunity to socialise, have a drink and observe any traditions of the individual chapter.  When the hash officially ends, many members may continue socialising at an "on-after", "on-down", "on-on-on", "apres", or "hash bash", an event held at a nearby house, pub, or restaurant.

CirclesEdit

Most hash events end with a group gathering known as the "circle", or less commonly as "religion". Led by chapter leadership, the circle provides a time to socialise, sing drinking songs recognize individuals, formally name members, or inform the group of pertinent news or upcoming events. Circles may be led by the chapter grandmaster, the group's religious advisor, or by a committee. Impromptu input is welcome and solicited.

Down-downsEdit

A "down-down" is a means of punishing, rewarding, or merely recognizing an individual for any action or behaviour according to the customs or whims of the group. Generally, the individual in question is asked to consume without pause the contents of his or her drinking vessel or risk pouring the remaining contents on his or her head. Individuals may be recognized for outstanding service, or for their status as a visitor or newcomer. Down-downs also serve as punishment for misdemeanours real, imagined, or blatantly made up. Such transgressions may include: failing to stop at the beer check, pointing with a finger, or the use of real names. Commonly, hashers who wear new shoes to an event can be required to drink from that shoe.

Many chapters include an ice seat or throne as part of the down-down ceremony. Those who are to consume a down-down sit on a large block of ice while they await the completion of the down-down song. If the offence that resulted in the down-down is particularly egregious, the hasher may be subjected to a long song with many verses.

Hash namesEdit

In most chapters, the use of real names during an event is discouraged. Members are typically given a "hash name," usually in deference to a particularly notorious escapade, a personality trait, or their physical appearance. In some chapters the name must be earned – that is, hashers are not named until they've done something outstanding, unusual, or stupid enough to warrant a name. In other chapters the process is more mechanical and hashers are named after completing a certain number of events (5–10 being the most common).

Some chapters focus on "family-friendly" names (for example: Lost My Way); others focus on names filled with innuendo (for example: Purple Vein); and some go out of their way to make the name as bawdy, offensive, or politically incorrect as possible.

Those hashers who have not been named are generally referred to as "Just (Name)", "No Name (Name)" (e.g., "No Name John") or simply Virgin.

Hashers are not permitted to give themselves nicknames due to the obvious conflict of interest. Hashers who do so are often renamed by the chapter at the earliest opportunity and with a more offensive name. Similarly, hashers who do get named and don't like their name may end up being renamed by their chapter, the members of whom may strive to give the complaining hasher an even more offensive or inappropriate name.

New hashers verbally in pursuit of an obviously offensive or inappropriate name may intentionally be given a weaker name, such as "Freckles".


King Penguin


TartanTart Moderator

Hash Trash run no. 650.       29 March 2019 


Hares King Penguin and Arse


Note the date…..29 March 2019, and for the benefit of anyone who may have either been living in another dimension, or perhaps in an alcoholic haze for the previous two years it was B for Brexit Day.

So, in commemoration of the positiveness, assertiveness and Churchill like leadership skills demonstrated by the UK Parliament the GM attempted to replicate these fine qualities into the hash proceedings. Big mistake! Chaos followed; we wonder who could have set such an example?


OK, the venue. Jalan Te fuk Yu, three km out of Padang Lalang. Easy to find, easy to park and altogether a lovely spot with a view of the ocean.

Back to the “B” word; no getting away from it even here 11000km S. E. of little England. The GM, fired up to previously unforeseen levels of angst and wearing his “P” hat. (“P” for politics or what is that other word?) called us not into a circle but into a bunch with Brit brexiteers to the left and non Brit leavers (and British traitors) to the right. The one Brit traitor hails from north of Hadrians Wall so she did not surprise us in wanting to see Mother Theresa’s head on a spike. All is forgiven Tartan Tart, you fell right into the trap of the later wet T shirt and “What colour are her knickers” antics. Despite the GM’s exhortations to engage in civil war there was less enthusiasm for fighting than for getting stuck into the beer drinking later.

There being no new shoes or virgins the Hares gave their very precise pre-brief. So precise that the less than average attention span of the 20 hashers prompted many requests for it to be repeated. Fortunately the two dogs present got it right the first time and were raring to go.


The run took us first onto the beach, and for the fit and the brave a dash through calf deep water in their footware. For the unwashed and the wimps some scrambling over rocks kept their feet dry and dirty. After 1km on the beach the trail diverted inland where a well marked division for runners and walkers separated the old and fit from the older and lazy. The trail passed by neat clean kampungs, rubber smallholdings and jungle. Both groups converged again just before the final run in. Clearly set by professionals.


Back at the site the GM in cruel and inhumane punishment mode put the chilly chairs and the dreaded arm cuffs to immediate use. None escaped execution and being force fed multiple down downs. One militant feminist, Old Bailey, was repeatedly punished for accusing GM of discriminatory behaviour and Harvey Weinstein treatment of vulnerable women. It was only later when it was realised that this was a deliberate guise for her to get more free beer that she was excused further punishment.

A heinous crime was committed by the pooch Hash Cash in shamelessly pooing on the path. Not just a single discreet dollop but a healthy batch of rich juicy ones. Oh that yours truly could squeeze them out so effortlessly. Karsanogenic as Hash Cash’s feeder, friend, mentor and father figure was made to drink a down down and execute himself simultaneously. No problem for this versatile old hand. If this heinous crime should ever be repeated the hash imitation turd necklace will be substituted for a real one!

And so the talented performance continued with the grand finale being the singing of mutinous Brexit songs under the well conducted prompting of our choirmaster KP.


The meal of very British Fish-n-Chips at Scarborough’s was thoroughly enjoyed by all, even by our European friends.


Another excellent occasion….well done Hares.


Floppy