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TartanTart Moderator

The Hash was convened by the lake at the foot of Bukit Hantu with uphill climbs threatening the eager hashers. The enthusiastic hares for the run were Bugger Mee and Sodomiser, so guaranteed no leeches on this run; and GM, dutifully obliging with his customary collection of accusations, crimes and punishments, and pre-ordained victims, was Small Ball Cock. 


At last, GM could no longer deny his multi-coloured New Shoes, and obligingly downed his cocktail of sweaty foot and Tiger with skill, speed and no spills. Note that there are rules for GM and rules for others – Why does GM get Tiger to make the New Shoe cocktail, whilst mere mortals get Skol?!


Runners, walkers, and amblers were duly despatched onto a route up the mighty Bukit Hantu. The run proceeded without mishap for most, but only King Penguin achieved the summit to enjoy the spectacular views of the paddies, a notable achievement since it was not even on the marked trail. Notwithstanding the extra excursion  KP still came in with the leaders closely behind the first home, Johnny Walker. The walkers, well most of them, had the same route and struggled on up the bukit, down the bukit, and back over the bukit, without too much audible pain or protest. 


Adrian de Turd nobly provided support at the tail end and dropped back to coax Bearded Clit through her dread and hatred of hills. The strain of sustaining the uphill climb, or maybe the chat, caused them to become hopelessly lost on the tracks of the jungle climb. A worried air was felt down at the circle as the light faded, and preliminary search by car back up the road revealed no imminent arrival back at the circle. But there was plenty of Tiger to drink, and “down downs” to down, so the circle was called to allay the anxieties. (Bigapist had however made mobile phone contact with Adrian de Turd and confirmed that they were safe and on their way back.)


GM slotted straight back in, but tripped up straightaway into name dropping which was immediately picked up by Tartan Tart. Sadly no executioner had been appointed at the time, and thus GM stayed dry, enjoying his Skol at leisure. 

A debut Executioner, Skunky Macavity, was appointed. (Worth noting here, that Skunky arrived in a hash shirt for the first time! – He’d received it free while recently visiting a Borneo Hash – That figures). It turned out that Skunky was an entertaining, but inept executioner. Time after time he failed to wet anyone by following the Executioner rules to the letter, and on one occasion had five potential victims but got hopelessly confused and executed himself with both buckets instead. But he got the hang of it in the end.


No, visitors, no virgins, but several returners and deserters, provided the routine business of the circle. 


Three co-conspirators, French Tart, Karsanogenic, and MucArse, were identified and charged with taking an intentional wrong turn which led to a much reduced excursion around the lake, avoiding all the hill challenges, and getting back early for the beers. Admitting guilt, and plea-bargaining gained light sentences without being seated in the dreaded Chilly Chairs.


Tartan Tart as usual was wearing the wrong underwear and paid the due penalty.


Bugger Mee, even though she was hare in chief, managed to place herself in the Chilly Chair for her usual talkative and argumentative back chat.


Finally, two figures shuffled out of the darkness, back from the trails to join the circle. Bearded Clit looking fresh, but Adrian de Turd was caked in mud after sinking into a mire of orange bog. They were welcomed home with much mirth and, nay, a small hint of sympathy. Congratulations to both on returning in good humour.


As usual, several other hashers ended up in the circle to receive drenchings and down downs, or icy arses for any or no good reason at all.


The award of Hash Hero went to Bearded Clit for bringing Adi de Turd back safely. The turd went to Adi de Turd – I think, because he looked like one, covered in shite as he was. They may not know of these prestigious awards, but to resolve the normal chaos of Hash business, this record stands.


In darkness, Music Meister led the circle in the Hash Hymn, complete with actions, though nobody would know as we couldn’t see him.


Bugger Mee and Sodomiser provided 5 star dining at 1 star price as usual at My Chef bringing yet another great Hash to a close.


Scribed by Karsanogenic.


TartanTart Moderator

SCRIBE REPORT FOR HASH BASH 654




MEN WANTED

                                       for hazardous journey,    small wages

                                       bitter cold,   long months of complete

                                       darkness, constant danger, safe return

                                       doubtful,    honour and recognition in

                                       case of success.


                                       Ernest Shackleton


I am not sure why I was reminded of this ad supposedly placed by Shackleton in the Times in 1900 to recruit men for his Antarctic expedition. For a start there were no wages and no darkness. A doubtful safe return was always a possibility, but King Penguin was absent so there was less chance for the runners to get lost. And the Hash is not a sexist club, we don't only want men. We do allow women in case the Hash sites need a bit of cleaning.


Enough of this nonsense, here's some more.


Fourteen of us met near Temonyong jetty. After Hash Flash finally got her act together and took the group photo, Small Ball Cock explained the Bash. The four runners were to set off by the new road that is being carved out towards Resorts World. The ten wankers, (sorry, predictive spelling), were to head towards the jetty and then along a path to the sea.


It was a lovely walk and new to many. After waking beside the multi coloured fishing boats in the river, we came to the jetty and then on to the path that led out beside the sea. Very beautiful. Then came the 'hazardous' bit – we had to scramble down at least three meters on to the beach. 'Constant danger', as further along we had to scramble back up. But we did return safely. Even Karsanogenic. The poor love was suffering from jet lag and a Scottish cold.


To our shock the runners had also returned safely.


After some non-gay banter (gay banter is strictly forbidden on the Hash), we headed to Cocos for dinner. Jolly good it was too. Once again, Karsanogenic was almost a Hash hero as he partook of a pint of Guinness. He doesn't like Guinness unless someone buys it for him, so Hand Job found another use for his hands. He dug them deep into his pockets and paid for a pint of Guinness and presented to Karsanogenic. Our thrifty Northerner wasn't going to see it go to waste and drank it through gritted teeth and runny nose.


I believe we all came away with 'honour and recognition' because it was another successful Hash.



ON ON YER BASTARDS!


SBC



TartanTart Moderator

Run 647.


Firstly, all Hashers would like to send condolences to Bugger Me, we were thinking of you and missed you both.


So == We had a quickly organised / cobbled together Mash Hash. Well done all involved!


Everyone did very well to find the meeting point at Karsanogenic’s hillside hide away, congratulations. 

Our six visitors were the first to arrive, Thomas and Teddy (sounds like a  50’s comedy duo) and Francoise (Thomas’s Mum),  from France, and Nein Knickers and Oliver Clothes Off, from Germany. 

Rotating GM was Karsanogenic, in a spin as usual, forgetting the New Shoe check for the second consecutive time. Stand in Hares / Leaders were King Penguin, nobly stepping up as usual, to lead the charge for the runners, and Tartan Tart volunteered a rest from running, to guide the walkers, scout-like, through the Jungle. 

Hurrah---- The Walkers ambled home first! (After early challenging inclines). Well done Hares. The much younger French chaps led the way in for the runners.

(Obviously after good Pace Making in the Paddies from KP and PvD, not to mention Coming from Behind - who did.)


Golden Shower did a sterling job as Executioner, liberally dousing himself, and all those summoned into the circle. The best of all dousings was on Floppy Rod who returned to us after a long absence, but still unable to  cut a long story short!!!! 


Thomas was christened, in the presence of his mother – Francoise knows a little more of her son than she perhaps needed to! He was almost called ‘Menage a Trois’ but no sufficiently detailed description was provided. Thomas was saved by un petit oiseau that shat on his shoulder during the proceedings --- and thus—He became known as “Little Shit”.


Big Alf  from Norway was next up for naming and there was no shortage of possibilities, but after revelation that he spent a lifetime in the Oil and Gas business in a “hands on” capacity, he was duly named “Oily Dick”. No satisfactory explanation of the “Dick” bit was given, but nevertheless it received rapturous endorsement.


Music Meister, bravely supported by Teddy (who shall be named at his next visit), sang, with no due respect, the Marseillaise, toilet paper version, followed by Hob Nob and KP’s rendition of our very own Hash Hymn.


And off we jolly well went, to Thien Seng, who did us proud if a little  ‘tardy’ due to their short notice explosion in  customer numbers!!


On On


MucArse (Ably assisted by Karsanogenic!!)


TartanTart Moderator
(Worum scho wieder mir?) - no translation in google ,,Swiss German'' 


OK Hash 646 started 1.6KM past the Gunung Raya turn off, near the far side of the CUCU CUCU RESORT.


The GM was Johnnie Walker - the organisers MucArse & Karsanogenic. Great run/walk in beautiful countryside with a cooling drink at half time 


Guest Amanda from Seattle.


Baptisms: Janet (from South Africa originally from GB as her husband mentioned) is now known as Phil Ma Bearded Clit. Phil her husband (pure South African) - Clit Eastwood, and Che Li (from Malaysia) - Chilly Willy.


All those who participated know how funny and beautiful it was. All those who did not participate missed something (Pach gha) incl.

,,s'Nachtasse'' im Scarborough.


Any Cock Will Do (Scheissname!)





TartanTart Moderator

Some 20 or so pax and 2 pets turned up at the run site. And they were glowing with enthusiasm, the pets, that is. The GM, Small Ball Cock, was missing and replaced by Karsanogenic, who btw., made for a good stand in GM, despite downplaying it.

The Hares uttered their notes to the run, but I am sure, only the dogs understood it completely - and off we went. Along the mangrove, across the main road, up the canal we met one of the hares, acting as a signpost and making sure we understood the signage. 

Huffing n puffing, Prick v Dyck led the runners pack through the Kampong into the greenery on a single tarmac track towards home. Reaching the runsite, after apparently 5.5km, we surely appreciated a cold beer. In addition, the hares had prepared a magic potion to supress any criticism towards shortcomings of the run. And it worked - it was a great run indeed!

Finding volunteers for the bloody scribe (who the f@#$ reads this anyways) and the executioner (Sauerkraut) was a pain in the neck, both came forward very sluggishly. With the circle structure in place, the GM finally disclosed Prick v. Dyck as the Secret Snitch Bitch. 

Only one, but one substantial charge, was mumbled towards Black Label, Sauerkraut, Sore Bum and Muc Arse. It was for "widely" (or was it wildly?) spreading their legs. What on earth is wrong with that? Obviously dazzled by this very observation P v. D could not think of any other charge. The brains blood supply had flown somewhere else..........

No visitors, no virgins were registered but 6 returners were honoured to find their way back to the Hash. Probably nothing better to do, hey!?

Hand Job, who eagerly came forward to be Beermeister, but claimed he has no clue what to do and what it involves. What a true Hasher! 

He even acted as executioners’ substitute once. And as Hand Job was doing it, the time was obviously too short for him to come, and splash the liquid onto the charged. He held it back - what a gentleman!

Mafioso Mongrel and Cod Piss became Hash Heroes as they managed the full walk in a stride. Although, it needs mention, that Cod Piss, who came in first, had the great advantage of being walked pulled and dragged by the dog – The Dog’s Bollocks - who was one of the few understanding the instructions.

Hash shit was accepted by MucArse on behalf of Hash Cash, who is apparently completely oblivious what "Cash -> back" means. Finally she received the Shit for something which escaped me, but it must have been of tremendous importance - for sure!

The Hash Hymn concluded the circle and The Dog’s Bollocks eagerly animated the pack to join in before leaving for makanan.

Scarborough was the entrusted watering hole and as usual the fish n chips were more than plentiful. Probably that is, due to the spreading disease: vegetarianism! A lot of poor fish sacrificed their lives for nothing, and were left behind. RIP! 

Another great Hash came to an end, thank you Hares - well done!


On On


Johnny Walker

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