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TartanTart Moderator

Hash Scribe Report – Run 658



The Hash was convened, neatly hidden amongst the sandpits of Kedawang. The hares posted themselves on point duty, sensibly, to avoid Hashers getting lost in the dunes or disappearing in the quicksands. Hares for the run were Adrian de Turd, and Bigapist, dutifully obliging before their departure from Langkawi (again) in August. And, GM was a holiday refreshed Small Ball Cock.


A happy and obliging visitor, All Black Balls, arrived sporting a sale tag on his trainers. The trainers didn’t look particularly new – so maybe ABB was just bent on getting a more than a fair share of the beer. Two other hapless hashers fell foul of the GMs footwear inspection – a bit unfair perhaps - but  in good hash spirit they accepted the unjust and sloshed the sweaty Skol down. 


Runners, walkers, and amblers were duly despatched onto a route through shady, pretty lanes  of nice and flat rural west Kedawang. The run proceeded without mishap for most, and a timely return to the circle looked promising. However, the ever-chatting tailenders, lead by our GM and his hooter forgot the Hares’ advice that the return home was partly via the trail out. As ample punishment the amblers completed a double loop adding about 1.5km to the route and 20 minutes.


GM slotted straight back in to the mean and vindictive mode he is so much loved and hated for, producing the Chilly Chairs which had been absent for too long.

First in was the Executioner (Karsanogenic) for name dropping MucArse when nominating her as scribe. Karsanogenic was duly sentenced to Chilly Chair, beer, and scribeship for himself.


Visitors and Returners were numerous and all were welcomed (back) in the normal way. Skunky McCavern (Is that a real hash name? Does he have one?) was punished (again and again) for inappropriate shirt wear.


As usual, most hashers ended up in the circle to receive drenchings and down downs, or icy arses for any or no good reason at all.


The award of Hash Hero and Hash Turd was challenging since no one appeared to have excelled in either direction. Hash hero was awarded to King Penguin for “tooting his hooter up front” , a feat rarely achieved! The turd went to The Dog’s Bollocks – I think, but somehow it ended up on the GM’s head, so the custodianship remains uncertain.


With advancing darkness and the risk of food going cold, the hash was closed without ceremony or singing - Shame!


Coco’s meal was western roast chicken and two veggies – beautifully prepared and presented – and very tasty. Well done Coco , and well done hares for doing the deal. Hares for Run 659 will be Clit Eastwood and Bearded Clit, and the GM will be King Penguin. Bravo!


On On 


Karsanogenic


TartanTart Moderator

Langkawi Hash House Harriers - Hash no 657


It being the time of year when Hashers are visiting the far-flung realms, this meet was deemed a Hash bash and falling on July 5 the theme was all American.

The meeting point was far away in an area of lush green, rolling hills and meadows. A somewhat hazy sky softened the sun as it started sinking behind the hills. It was hot and the air hung heavy.

Our bunch; MucArse, TweetyTwat, Karsanogenic and Rock Cock were the first to arrive on location. The car of organisers Bugger Mee and Sodomiser was pulled off the road with an American (well sort of) flag sticking out from the window. It hung limply - there was no wind. It looked a bit like a movie set from Breaking Bad. Skunky McCavern arrived soon thereafter on his trusty motorbike.

Tartan Tart arrived with 6 minutes to spare, with Bearded Clit and Clit Eastwood. The tension was mounting: would anyone else arrive? At two minutes to six Adrian de Turd and Bigapist rolled in in a cloud of dust caused by an attempted handbrake turn. By now a call had come from Johnny Walker and Black Label that they would not be making curtain call as the ferry with Penangites Speed Hound, Fruit and Period was late. They finally arrived rolling up off the track in an even bigger cloud of dust – you’d swear these guys had never seen dirt!

Black Label had gone the whole hog and dressed up as a footballer cum rapper. Bugger Mee had a small version of the American flag on her shirt. After finally getting the pic of the cast we set off. Of course no markers, just a vague idea of in which direction to start. At which point Bugger Mee admitted to a poor sense of direction. As we set off a motorcyclist and his woman, the latter dressed in a black burka, meandered past both looking somewhat disparagingly at the American Flag.

Scene 1 - The Departure: Lights, Action and Camera: The cast of runners  comprising  Johnny Walker, the Penang crew, Rock Cock, Tartan Tart and Sodomiser were away. Then those who drink in the scenery followed accompanied by Hash Kash (hash dog), who had a field day herding cows!

Scene 2 - The Hill: Leading group seen tackling hill in the distance by those enjoying the pastoral scenes despite occasional motorbikes coming through. Lead group tracks up hill and traverses in front of electricity pylons (out of sight of others).

Scene 3 - Banana pit stop: Those at the rear are seen tackling hill, fording a stream and finally at the summit, where Black Label finds mini ripe bananas on a fallen tree. Up here in the hills these could have been organic bananas bringing a new meaning to “unzip a banana” - they were pretty good.

At this point dissention arose in the group as there was no clear way forward. Pylons were in the picture, a track down led to a house. Some were already heading back on the same track.

Scene 4 - The Split: Black Label, Bearded Clit, Clit Eastwood and Tweety Twat headed back. MucArse and Karsanogenic were dithering, Skunky McCavern headed out in true Guam style in the general direction of down. Bugger Mee’s claim to a poor sense of direction was well founded as she has no recollection of the route (which she had walked 3 times previously, the last together with Skunky McCavern).

Scene 5 – Reunification: Everyone excepting Skunky McCavern is now on the return trip – back from whence they came. A few cows scattered around along the road, a couple of trucks and extras on motor cycles heading out for a night on the town. 

Scene 5 -Beer o’clock:  The runners have formed a reception committee across the road. Team Africa (Clits, Black Label and Tweety Twat) strode in, Adrian de Turd and wife followed, with Karsanogenic, MucArse and Hash Kash close on their heels. All before dark it must be noted.

Scene 6 Finale; Skunky McCavern and Black Label  provided a “breakdance cabaret” and much beer was quaffed.

It’s a wrap and a happy group heads off to Kuah for Chinese at the lively YL street restaurant.

On On 


Tweety Twat




TartanTart Moderator

SCRIBE REPORT FOR HASH BASH 654




MEN WANTED

                                       for hazardous journey,    small wages

                                       bitter cold,   long months of complete

                                       darkness, constant danger, safe return

                                       doubtful,    honour and recognition in

                                       case of success.


                                       Ernest Shackleton


I am not sure why I was reminded of this ad supposedly placed by Shackleton in the Times in 1900 to recruit men for his Antarctic expedition. For a start there were no wages and no darkness. A doubtful safe return was always a possibility, but King Penguin was absent so there was less chance for the runners to get lost. And the Hash is not a sexist club, we don't only want men. We do allow women in case the Hash sites need a bit of cleaning.


Enough of this nonsense, here's some more.


Fourteen of us met near Temonyong jetty. After Hash Flash finally got her act together and took the group photo, Small Ball Cock explained the Bash. The four runners were to set off by the new road that is being carved out towards Resorts World. The ten wankers, (sorry, predictive spelling), were to head towards the jetty and then along a path to the sea.


It was a lovely walk and new to many. After waking beside the multi coloured fishing boats in the river, we came to the jetty and then on to the path that led out beside the sea. Very beautiful. Then came the 'hazardous' bit – we had to scramble down at least three meters on to the beach. 'Constant danger', as further along we had to scramble back up. But we did return safely. Even Karsanogenic. The poor love was suffering from jet lag and a Scottish cold.


To our shock the runners had also returned safely.


After some non-gay banter (gay banter is strictly forbidden on the Hash), we headed to Cocos for dinner. Jolly good it was too. Once again, Karsanogenic was almost a Hash hero as he partook of a pint of Guinness. He doesn't like Guinness unless someone buys it for him, so Hand Job found another use for his hands. He dug them deep into his pockets and paid for a pint of Guinness and presented to Karsanogenic. Our thrifty Northerner wasn't going to see it go to waste and drank it through gritted teeth and runny nose.


I believe we all came away with 'honour and recognition' because it was another successful Hash.



ON ON YER BASTARDS!


SBC