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TartanTart Moderator

Hash Scribe Report – Run 658



The Hash was convened, neatly hidden amongst the sandpits of Kedawang. The hares posted themselves on point duty, sensibly, to avoid Hashers getting lost in the dunes or disappearing in the quicksands. Hares for the run were Adrian de Turd, and Bigapist, dutifully obliging before their departure from Langkawi (again) in August. And, GM was a holiday refreshed Small Ball Cock.


A happy and obliging visitor, All Black Balls, arrived sporting a sale tag on his trainers. The trainers didn’t look particularly new – so maybe ABB was just bent on getting a more than a fair share of the beer. Two other hapless hashers fell foul of the GMs footwear inspection – a bit unfair perhaps - but  in good hash spirit they accepted the unjust and sloshed the sweaty Skol down. 


Runners, walkers, and amblers were duly despatched onto a route through shady, pretty lanes  of nice and flat rural west Kedawang. The run proceeded without mishap for most, and a timely return to the circle looked promising. However, the ever-chatting tailenders, lead by our GM and his hooter forgot the Hares’ advice that the return home was partly via the trail out. As ample punishment the amblers completed a double loop adding about 1.5km to the route and 20 minutes.


GM slotted straight back in to the mean and vindictive mode he is so much loved and hated for, producing the Chilly Chairs which had been absent for too long.

First in was the Executioner (Karsanogenic) for name dropping MucArse when nominating her as scribe. Karsanogenic was duly sentenced to Chilly Chair, beer, and scribeship for himself.


Visitors and Returners were numerous and all were welcomed (back) in the normal way. Skunky McCavern (Is that a real hash name? Does he have one?) was punished (again and again) for inappropriate shirt wear.


As usual, most hashers ended up in the circle to receive drenchings and down downs, or icy arses for any or no good reason at all.


The award of Hash Hero and Hash Turd was challenging since no one appeared to have excelled in either direction. Hash hero was awarded to King Penguin for “tooting his hooter up front” , a feat rarely achieved! The turd went to The Dog’s Bollocks – I think, but somehow it ended up on the GM’s head, so the custodianship remains uncertain.


With advancing darkness and the risk of food going cold, the hash was closed without ceremony or singing - Shame!


Coco’s meal was western roast chicken and two veggies – beautifully prepared and presented – and very tasty. Well done Coco , and well done hares for doing the deal. Hares for Run 659 will be Clit Eastwood and Bearded Clit, and the GM will be King Penguin. Bravo!


On On 


Karsanogenic


TartanTart Moderator

Hash no 655 (June 7) – Langkawi Beach HHH

18 stalwarts pitched at the cow pat infested meeting place, near the abandoned but colourful disembodied building next to the notorious pink bridge. Hash Kash was resplendent in a new neon green harness which made her look a bit like a guide/rescue dog (probably for good reason).

Small Ball Cock called the unruly bunch to assemble in a circle. #Tweety Twat was sadly remonstrated for having new shoes, which she fiercely denied (they were indeed her “best” casuals) but her pleas fell upon deaf ears. A shoe was filled with beer, of which one half went down her throat. Had it been at the end of the run, it would all have disappeared !

Then it was the turn of the hares, Bearded Clit and Clit Eastwood, known to all as team Clit.

Now they managed to pull a cunning stunt on the crew by combining their self acclaimed “National Prostate Day” with a worthy cause (picking up trash). For the sake of health and hygiene rubber gloves were distributed - after all you wouldn’t want to perform a digital, or pick up someone else’s trash without a protective barrier. A few good-natured demos of what to do with the gloved finger followed before the black bags were handed out.

Runners went off to the paddy fields, where they passed a large but peaceful herd of water buffaloes. The walkers took to the bridge and went down by the riverside to the jetty, where both they and the runners had to go to the end before embarking on the task of rubbish collection at two of the beaches off the jetty

Skunky McCavern seeing the filled bags of Rock Cock and #Tweety Twat said “Hey, anything left for me ?” which will go down as the understatement of the year. One opportunist on his way back from fishing managed to get his plastic bag of rubbish transferred to a hasher who then carried it out. The pile of black bags deposited at the jetty gate for later collection was laudable.

Back in cow pat heaven, everyone waited for Small Ball Cock not only to return, but to reunite walkers and runners in the circle. When all had assembled they were asked to comment on the hash. The answer in virtual unison was “rubbish”, although the underlying motive behind the walk and its generally scenic route was appreciated.

Karsanogenic leapt forward to take up the role of executioner and the first offenders were called into the centre. They were the latecomers and returners, who zealously downed their beer. Then it was MucArse in the centre for namedropping!

Seeing that she and the executioner were closely acquainted there was a chance this could put a spoke in the wheel for the rest of the evening. Despite dancing a pretty dance around Karsanogenic, there was no sparing her from the executioner’s icy jug.

Then it was the chance of the evening’s snitch bitch, who came up with something from the far side. Small Ball Cock was called to the centre and punished for driving without rear number plate.

Skunky McCavern, a hasher from Guam, was asked to step into the centre, which he willingly did, baring his bronzed torso, to be found guilty of indecent exposure, and bringing a distinct pornographic feel to the circle. He accepted the punishment and was spared further embarrassment thanks to Johnny Walker having a spare Hash rag available.

But not for long - Hashers wanted an explanation for his Hash name. It had come about as a result of him delivering a blast of flatulence when leading a group of hashers through a narrow 100m tunnel in Guam, so if you are behind Skunky – be warned!

Bringing a positive light to bear on the proceedings Small Ball Cock called Prick van Dyke and his missus, Coming From Behind into the circle for successfully achieving 31 years of marriage, which he described as a great achievement when many could hardly maintain concentration for 31 minutes. The happy pair obligingly kissed for Hash Flash to record for posterity.

On that happy note members reconvened at The Roof restaurant for a Chinese dinner. 


Hash scribe

#Tweety Twat