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TartanTart Moderator

Hash No 656  Langkawi Hash House Harriers


A somewhat depleted mob, but nonetheless intimate, assembled, other end of the island this time, at Kisap for a run organised by Johnny Walker and Black Label.

The effervescent GM, Karsanogenic, fabricated World Orgasm day (although he swore blind his research had shown this to be) to start things off with a bang. Note we all know certain activities can make you go blind.

 Added to which he came up with it being the day of the world’s ugliest dog. Hash Kash (Hash dog) slunk off at this point!

Without much more ado the hares were called into the centre and Black Label declared it was indeed International World Yoga day, and what better way to celebrate than to turn a bunch of Hashers into pretzels under the pretence of a warm up.

Warm up complete, Johnny Walker with much gesticulation gave a brief description of the route noting there were three checks.

The route through a rubber plantation, and along the mangroves was well suited to the warm languorous early evening. The midway point afforded a stunning view of the river confluence and a limestone bluff. Those on the return from this point encouragingly described it to keep those still heading out on track. 

The return route offered up many interesting views of fishing boats high and sort of dry on the mud flats of the mangroves. The comings and goings of the fleet obviously very dependant on the tides.

The pack was by now stretched out –several runners probably back and carousing while those of us enjoying the scenery took in a herd of cows munching happily among the rubber trees. Said cows later took an interest in Hash Kash and reportedly followed her up the road.

The GM was quick to call the circle, sadly no virgins and only one “executionable” returnee – Thomas The Wank Engine. Lin bin Defuzzed waved her medical certificate, so was exempted!

Prick Van Dyke brought a devilish grin to the role of executioner embracing the role to such an extent that he had to be restrained from emptying the entire ice water bin over defaulters. Undeterred he grabbed two jugs and delivered a double whammy when called upon.

It being a small group the GM dug deep and drew our attention to the auspicious date June 21 the summer solstice (longest day in N hemisphere) an event celebrated by the druids whose ritual included children forming a circle by scattering petals or blowing bubbles. Blessings by a fire eater and someone sprinkling participants with water from the Chalice Well followed. Apparently all very joyful and informal.

This was given a Hash twist by inviting the Celts; TartanTart, Tweety Twat and MucArse into the centre. Seeing as it coincided with full moon, thoughts of naked dancing crossed their minds. However; the sprinkling of icy water and ice cubes (could have been a blessing in disguise for those in the middle) by the executioner banished this thought.

Then it was the turn of Rock Cock and Tweety Twat (in for a second round) for not wearing hash rags. Rock Cock in a glitzy Langkawi singlet , and Tweety Twat in camo green.

Next up was a gleeful snitch, the Tartan Tart, dobbing in her running companions for taking short cuts. This saw Rock Cock again, Prick Van Dyke and Johnny Walker in the middle. Coming From Behind took up the jugs and doused the dastardly dudes.

The GM took a dousing for having what looked like skid marks on his towel indicating he may have skived off track to do the unmentionable in the rubber plantation – not fine English manners on a Hash.

Rock Cock and Prick Van Dyke noted for the records that on arrival at base the beers were under lock and key in the car. Tartan Tart seconded this as it had been noted in the past. Into the centre went Johnny Walker and Black Label.

It was all over bar the shouting when Tartan Tart stepped up to the mark again and declared Johnny Walker to be renamed Johnny Stalker for hanging around the mangroves near the viewpoint. He of course denied the charge saying he was only ensuring everyone was on the right track.

As the sun went down and the sky turned pink happy Hashers adjourned to the Langkawi Rainbow restaurant for a Chinese dinner, where festivities at the round table continued in line with those of the summer solstice. On, on! 

Thanks to Johnny Walker and Black Label for a hash well run.

Thanks to Google for info on Druids celebrating the summer solstice.


On on


Tweety Twat




TartanTart Moderator

The Kuah Hill Hikers division of the Langkawi Beach Hash offered an exemplary exhibition of their skill for Run 644 . The trail was up, up, up then down around the pond and up, up, up ending on a rather precipitous down. Many tried, Cod Piss failed and only two hashers succumbed to gravity. Luckily, there are no injuries and MucArse could go straight to swallowing beers without any ministrations. Luckily MucArse returned after Black Label as those who hustled through the hills in haste found themselves locked out of the liquid stores. Much moaning and cries of desperation were heard from afar.


Speaking of swallowing beers, a few were taken in punishment meted out by Acting Grand Master Johnny Walker. First, of course, the hares were awarded a free beer after many compliments about their run. All the while Executioner Karsanogenic lurked on the fringes while those who feared being called out for crimes quivered and shivered awaiting cold beer and ice water. There were no virgins, no visitors but returners Maid in China, Bugger Mee and Sodomiser were welcomed back.


 Hash Snitch Bitch then revealed herself in all her Tartan glory. First and most heinous of her charges was against Black Label for running off with the store keys leaving returning hashers unable to slake their thirst. Next appeared Sauerkraut who, after complaining about the failure to hand out hooters, promptly left without one. Finally, MucArse was done for visiting the hairdresser the morning of the Hash (who wouldn’t want to look their best for such an esteemed gathering?).


Johnny Walker then asked for nominations for Hash Hero. After some debate Maid in China and Cod Piss shared joint honours. What for you ask? Made in China for finishing a challenging run and Cod Piss for breathing.


Another beer was awarded for an imitation Coming From Behind and Johnny Walker and Black Label were recognised for laying two hash trails close together.


With the sun drawing close to the edge of the Kuah Hills a final vote was taken for the Hash Turd award. Adrian the Turd was the popular choice for his failure to appear at the run bearing the Turd and also for failing to submit the Hash Flash photos from the Xmas run. In his absence, Adrian the Turd lookalike, Johnny Walker, took the hit.


Afterward, the crowd slid into Kuah to the Malaysia Hotel for a buffet dinner enjoyed by some but not all. MucArse in particular was left with a bad taste in her mouth when her phone was discovered to have been snitched on site. The unhelpful management was noted for future reference.


On On


Arse


TartanTart Moderator

Around 20 hashers,  3 visitors  and 2 hashdogs  met close to the India Temple north of Kuah.

Finally after waiting for the last comers and unfortunately no Larshole and Mettehari,  we started the hash 20 min late.

The circle was formed and the first hasher who was punished was Sodomiser, due to the ugly – many years used - white nylon stockings, which  covers his knees – I think he has got them free from a hooker    ,he said, he was wearing them - to cover his legs for mosquitoes and leeches. We will later be aware of this………… A beer was placed in his stockings and he had to drink out of the can.


Beside the road on a lush greeny place, we met. 


Black Label and Johnny Walker had made a nice  jungle run of app 6 km. – and it was really in the jungle - all the way. 3 hashers were wearing flippers and good luck to them 

The trails were very well marked with toilet paper.

On & on we fought our way through the jungle – very difficult to run due to narrow paths, we were just waiting to see Tarzan & Jane – flying in the lianas - around the next corner!!!


Animals, as the big red ants, obviously heard about our arrival, they crawled up and in our shoes. Leeches found their ways too - into our socks, and when we finally made our way out and met again in the circle, our legs were bleeding from all the drunken animals, which were drunk due to all the blood they had sucked from us!! 

Our new hasher Rod was named and got the name Hand Job.

One returner, Jack Off, was back, and King Penguin got the turd again due to his lack of ''on on'' and of course blamed his hashdog  which helped him running through the wilderness.

We had dinner at a Chinese restaurant Yee Har in Kuah. 

On & on

Hanneballs Letcher