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TartanTart Moderator

Hash Scribe Report – Run 658

The Hash was convened, neatly hidden amongst the sandpits of Kedawang. The hares posted themselves on point duty, sensibly, to avoid Hashers getting lost in the dunes or disappearing in the quicksands. Hares for the run were Adrian de Turd, and Bigapist, dutifully obliging before their departure from Langkawi (again) in August. And, GM was a holiday refreshed Small Ball Cock.

A happy and obliging visitor, All Black Balls, arrived sporting a sale tag on his trainers. The trainers didn’t look particularly new – so maybe ABB was just bent on getting a more than a fair share of the beer. Two other hapless hashers fell foul of the GMs footwear inspection – a bit unfair perhaps - but  in good hash spirit they accepted the unjust and sloshed the sweaty Skol down. 

Runners, walkers, and amblers were duly despatched onto a route through shady, pretty lanes  of nice and flat rural west Kedawang. The run proceeded without mishap for most, and a timely return to the circle looked promising. However, the ever-chatting tailenders, lead by our GM and his hooter forgot the Hares’ advice that the return home was partly via the trail out. As ample punishment the amblers completed a double loop adding about 1.5km to the route and 20 minutes.

GM slotted straight back in to the mean and vindictive mode he is so much loved and hated for, producing the Chilly Chairs which had been absent for too long.

First in was the Executioner (Karsanogenic) for name dropping MucArse when nominating her as scribe. Karsanogenic was duly sentenced to Chilly Chair, beer, and scribeship for himself.

Visitors and Returners were numerous and all were welcomed (back) in the normal way. Skunky McCavern (Is that a real hash name? Does he have one?) was punished (again and again) for inappropriate shirt wear.

As usual, most hashers ended up in the circle to receive drenchings and down downs, or icy arses for any or no good reason at all.

The award of Hash Hero and Hash Turd was challenging since no one appeared to have excelled in either direction. Hash hero was awarded to King Penguin for “tooting his hooter up front” , a feat rarely achieved! The turd went to The Dog’s Bollocks – I think, but somehow it ended up on the GM’s head, so the custodianship remains uncertain.

With advancing darkness and the risk of food going cold, the hash was closed without ceremony or singing - Shame!

Coco’s meal was western roast chicken and two veggies – beautifully prepared and presented – and very tasty. Well done Coco , and well done hares for doing the deal. Hares for Run 659 will be Clit Eastwood and Bearded Clit, and the GM will be King Penguin. Bravo!

On On 


TartanTart Moderator

Hash run 645 started from Temoyong on a side street of  costal road Bukit Malut. Organiser were Adrian de Turd and Bigapist. 18 member of the club and one not yet named (BECKY) appeared to start. All except the organisers, Adrian de Turd and Bigapist, started the run (some of them run, others walked at a brisk pace and the rest strolling through the beautiful countryside. 4 of them missed a turnoff on the main road and took the short cut along this main road. Nobody took notice of these offenders and therefore they could not be punished   (among others, the scribe  ). I am already afraid of  a terrible punishment on the occasion of the next run 646 . Thanks to the shortcutting bastards, everybody arrived on time.

Form a circle – but this command  had to be repeated for us older people at least three times until the circle was closed. Maid in China was named as an executioner, which he accepted with a sardonic grin! New shoes – no success (but, Any Cock Will Do“ had sandals instead of sneakers. But it is very difficult to drink beer out of sandals). She was left unpunished  Visitors and virgins we had this time none. But a ‘’baptism“ was due! BECKY got a new name and majority voted for ‘’FUZZY KNICKERS“  

Some returners had to be showered with ice cold water and because Any Cock Will Do emptied her glass half before she was allowed to drink, Tartantart helped the executer and poured a whole bucket of water from behind over her back. Hash heros on this day none, as well as no hash turd.

After these ceremonies King Penguin started the traditional song with the many contortions, and he also mentioned that on the 18th of January 1778 Captain James Cook discovered Hawaii and Robert Falcon Scott reached the South Pole 1911 only to find that Amundsen had preceded them by over a month (after an undeclared race to the south pole).

The evening was concluded in a cozy round with good food in the Cactus Restaurant, which was occupied to the last place. Thank you the organisers for a good hash evening.