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TartanTart Moderator

Hash Trash run no. 650.       29 March 2019 


Hares King Penguin and Arse


Note the date…..29 March 2019, and for the benefit of anyone who may have either been living in another dimension, or perhaps in an alcoholic haze for the previous two years it was B for Brexit Day.

So, in commemoration of the positiveness, assertiveness and Churchill like leadership skills demonstrated by the UK Parliament the GM attempted to replicate these fine qualities into the hash proceedings. Big mistake! Chaos followed; we wonder who could have set such an example?


OK, the venue. Jalan Te fuk Yu, three km out of Padang Lalang. Easy to find, easy to park and altogether a lovely spot with a view of the ocean.

Back to the “B” word; no getting away from it even here 11000km S. E. of little England. The GM, fired up to previously unforeseen levels of angst and wearing his “P” hat. (“P” for politics or what is that other word?) called us not into a circle but into a bunch with Brit brexiteers to the left and non Brit leavers (and British traitors) to the right. The one Brit traitor hails from north of Hadrians Wall so she did not surprise us in wanting to see Mother Theresa’s head on a spike. All is forgiven Tartan Tart, you fell right into the trap of the later wet T shirt and “What colour are her knickers” antics. Despite the GM’s exhortations to engage in civil war there was less enthusiasm for fighting than for getting stuck into the beer drinking later.

There being no new shoes or virgins the Hares gave their very precise pre-brief. So precise that the less than average attention span of the 20 hashers prompted many requests for it to be repeated. Fortunately the two dogs present got it right the first time and were raring to go.


The run took us first onto the beach, and for the fit and the brave a dash through calf deep water in their footware. For the unwashed and the wimps some scrambling over rocks kept their feet dry and dirty. After 1km on the beach the trail diverted inland where a well marked division for runners and walkers separated the old and fit from the older and lazy. The trail passed by neat clean kampungs, rubber smallholdings and jungle. Both groups converged again just before the final run in. Clearly set by professionals.


Back at the site the GM in cruel and inhumane punishment mode put the chilly chairs and the dreaded arm cuffs to immediate use. None escaped execution and being force fed multiple down downs. One militant feminist, Old Bailey, was repeatedly punished for accusing GM of discriminatory behaviour and Harvey Weinstein treatment of vulnerable women. It was only later when it was realised that this was a deliberate guise for her to get more free beer that she was excused further punishment.

A heinous crime was committed by the pooch Hash Cash in shamelessly pooing on the path. Not just a single discreet dollop but a healthy batch of rich juicy ones. Oh that yours truly could squeeze them out so effortlessly. Karsanogenic as Hash Cash’s feeder, friend, mentor and father figure was made to drink a down down and execute himself simultaneously. No problem for this versatile old hand. If this heinous crime should ever be repeated the hash imitation turd necklace will be substituted for a real one!

And so the talented performance continued with the grand finale being the singing of mutinous Brexit songs under the well conducted prompting of our choirmaster KP.


The meal of very British Fish-n-Chips at Scarborough’s was thoroughly enjoyed by all, even by our European friends.


Another excellent occasion….well done Hares.


Floppy 


TartanTart Moderator

Hash Trash run no 648   01 March 2019 


Hares Bugger Mee and Sodomiser


A good turn out of 23 aspiring champion athletes and champion drinkers assembled at a new and interesting venue behind the new and impressive Thean How Chinese Temple in Kuah. Easy to find, easy to park, plenty of space; so far ticks all the boxes. But maybe a trick, as those who took the long route certainly earned their drinks, more later.


Circle formed on time. No new shoes. The hares pre-run brief was just that, brief. “Go up the hill over there, 6k’s, a shortened route for the walkers, go”


And so it started. This location just had to be hilly. The trail was very well marked and some  spectacular new views over Kuah soon appeared. After about 1k Sodomiser appeared at a turning point and helpfully offered the old, the lame and the lazy an easy route back. The aspiring athletes of course took the long route challenge and as a result arrived back at the site much later and much exhausted. We cissies in contrast had a pleasant stroll back despite the attention of some loud and alarmingly over curious dogs and were soon able to enjoy our cold tigers in peace while appreciating the calm serenity of the temple view.

Eventually the hard men and harder women of the hash staggered back with Karsanogenic limping bravely in. Well done that man!


After suitable refreshments the circle formed again and was rigidly kept in order by Arse who generously ensured that no one miss out on the cold water treatment by hosting the Hash Oscars with numerous awards. She was ably assisted by the very cruel and enthusiastic executioner Maid In China. Awards were given for best director, best hash music, best picture, best hash tart, and group awards for running about, leading the pack, running at speed and front running bastards. Such hidden talents within our motley crew. Also those deemed to be inappropriately dressed by the wearing of non hash approved hats were made to pay the penalty.


Our esteemed choirmaster and song and dance director King Penguin introduced another cultural masterpiece to the hash repertoire. Still in connection with swinging low, but this time with the crown jewels or balls to the non native English speakers. His descriptive dance contortions showed some of the amazing things that can be done with these anatomical adornments. Now we know how he spends his time keeping fit!


Finally the hares directed us to a new venue restaurant in Nagoya, the Seven Nine Eight Restaurant. The ambience was just right for the weary hashers and the food was a delicious Eastern / Western fusion which all thoroughly enjoyed. Our compliments to the chef.  Also to the hares for organising a great walk / run and a great time.


Floppy