HASH RUN 664 from TartanTart's Scribe

The Hash was convened by the lake at the foot of Bukit Hantu with uphill climbs threatening the eager hashers. The enthusiastic hares for the run were Bugger Mee and Sodomiser, so guaranteed no leeches on this run; and GM, dutifully obliging with his customary collection of accusations, crimes and punishments, and pre-ordained victims, was Small Ball Cock. 

At last, GM could no longer deny his multi-coloured New Shoes, and obligingly downed his cocktail of sweaty foot and Tiger with skill, speed and no spills. Note that there are rules for GM and rules for others – Why does GM get Tiger to make the New Shoe cocktail, whilst mere mortals get Skol?!

Runners, walkers, and amblers were duly despatched onto a route up the mighty Bukit Hantu. The run proceeded without mishap for most, but only King Penguin achieved the summit to enjoy the spectacular views of the paddies, a notable achievement since it was not even on the marked trail. Notwithstanding the extra excursion  KP still came in with the leaders closely behind the first home, Johnny Walker. The walkers, well most of them, had the same route and struggled on up the bukit, down the bukit, and back over the bukit, without too much audible pain or protest. 

Adrian de Turd nobly provided support at the tail end and dropped back to coax Bearded Clit through her dread and hatred of hills. The strain of sustaining the uphill climb, or maybe the chat, caused them to become hopelessly lost on the tracks of the jungle climb. A worried air was felt down at the circle as the light faded, and preliminary search by car back up the road revealed no imminent arrival back at the circle. But there was plenty of Tiger to drink, and “down downs” to down, so the circle was called to allay the anxieties. (Bigapist had however made mobile phone contact with Adrian de Turd and confirmed that they were safe and on their way back.)

GM slotted straight back in, but tripped up straightaway into name dropping which was immediately picked up by Tartan Tart. Sadly no executioner had been appointed at the time, and thus GM stayed dry, enjoying his Skol at leisure. 

A debut Executioner, Skunky Macavity, was appointed. (Worth noting here, that Skunky arrived in a hash shirt for the first time! – He’d received it free while recently visiting a Borneo Hash – That figures). It turned out that Skunky was an entertaining, but inept executioner. Time after time he failed to wet anyone by following the Executioner rules to the letter, and on one occasion had five potential victims but got hopelessly confused and executed himself with both buckets instead. But he got the hang of it in the end.

No, visitors, no virgins, but several returners and deserters, provided the routine business of the circle. 

Three co-conspirators, French Tart, Karsanogenic, and MucArse, were identified and charged with taking an intentional wrong turn which led to a much reduced excursion around the lake, avoiding all the hill challenges, and getting back early for the beers. Admitting guilt, and plea-bargaining gained light sentences without being seated in the dreaded Chilly Chairs.

Tartan Tart as usual was wearing the wrong underwear and paid the due penalty.

Bugger Mee, even though she was hare in chief, managed to place herself in the Chilly Chair for her usual talkative and argumentative back chat.

Finally, two figures shuffled out of the darkness, back from the trails to join the circle. Bearded Clit looking fresh, but Adrian de Turd was caked in mud after sinking into a mire of orange bog. They were welcomed home with much mirth and, nay, a small hint of sympathy. Congratulations to both on returning in good humour.

As usual, several other hashers ended up in the circle to receive drenchings and down downs, or icy arses for any or no good reason at all.

The award of Hash Hero went to Bearded Clit for bringing Adi de Turd back safely. The turd went to Adi de Turd – I think, because he looked like one, covered in shite as he was. They may not know of these prestigious awards, but to resolve the normal chaos of Hash business, this record stands.

In darkness, Music Meister led the circle in the Hash Hymn, complete with actions, though nobody would know as we couldn’t see him.

Bugger Mee and Sodomiser provided 5 star dining at 1 star price as usual at My Chef bringing yet another great Hash to a close.

Scribed by Karsanogenic.

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